Buckets

A few steps from my cubicle the office printer gently belches paper between clicks and whistles. 80's music plays overhead, just loud enough to determine which "classic" is synthesizing away. Now it's "Let's Hear It For the Boy". Maybe he's no Romeo, but that doesn't faze the singer.

I can see outside through the glass doors past the receptionist's desk. I am grateful for this piece of daylight. It reminds me that being here is a choice, because there's the door, and I'm not moving. Semi trucks rumble the bedrock when they drive past. The business across the street still has a large Christmas wreath up. It makes me wonder why nobody has taken ownership of taking it down yet.

The building I work in is alive with politics and deception, yet we all come to work everyday. Why? I feel like I can almost see over the rim of the bucket I'm in. If I could only stretch up a little higher, I could see where I should be.

I didn't always live in a bucket. My parents had, and still have, no bucket, and that was the horror that drove me. I worked hard, really hard, to get good grades and graduate college. I played in the woods, camping and hiking, and lived other lives, always thinking my salvation lay just over the bucket's rim. I scrambled to conform, to rise, to build this career, yearning to blend in, to grind down my rough edges and streamline my flaws. I graduated, and ploop, slipped into the bucket. It started with a small bucket, and I have traded lives unknown to get this bigger, better bucket.

I am grateful that I am 32, and escape is more than a dream. But for what will I trade my hard-won bucket? It is valuable, and has countless hours and toil in it. I can't just throw it away. How can I leverage my bucket? It's a one-shot deal, whispers the fear.

To be continued.

Not a Very Wonderful Day.

I am tired and grouchy today. I have recycled hair that wasn't so great yesterday, and is now much less so today. I would like to grouch about several things, in no particular order.

1) I spent 30 minutes on Pilgrim between Brown Deer and Silver Spring this morning. It's less than 2 miles.

2) I still have a sinus infection. I am miserable.

3) 2:30 am. A white face with pigtails ghosts up beside my bed and whispers, "Mama Muriel? I wet my bed."

Katie, you were right, I should have gotten the waterproof mattress pad. Oh, you were so right.

One More Thing

The antibiotic they've got me on? My Augmentin's got me a runnin', if you know what I mean. So with Richard hacking up lung chunks and my indelicate after-odors, we are Hot and Sexy, respectively. You know you want it. Don't be hatin'.

Just Kidding

Richard's good old-fashioned headcold turned out Tuesday to be pneumonia. Just an area in one lung, about the size of a silver dollar. Thank goodness. He's on antibiotics and a prescription cough suppressant, but I don't think the cough suppressant is doing much. My sinus infection was doing well until today. It's just acting up and I can't stop sneezing and blowing my nose. What a fun pair we are.

We had another snow day on Wednesday. I'd say we got about 15 inches. An absolutely ridiculous amount of snow if you ask me. Last night after the kidlets were in bed Richard and I went out to move snow. I was shoveling his truck off and wondering if we moved to Michigan and nobody told me.

We were all home. Richard's cough suppressant makes him sleepy, so I had to watch the girls while he napped a good part of the day. The girls spent some time in both the morning and afternoon sledding in the backyard. Richard made me a fire in the fireplace so I got to spend a couple of hours in the morning listening to NPR, sipping coffee, knitting, and watching the fire while the girls played. It was magical.

The New Haven Fleece is coming along very nicely.

One sleeve is done and the other is almost there. All I have left to do after that is the buttonholes and collar ribbing. FC1 is getting very excited! I think the second Fleece will go much faster now that I know the "tricks" in this particular pattern. Not that it's complicated. I'm just sort of a dimwit sometimes and have to rip things out a couple of times before the "ah-ha!" moment hits.

Sick and Sicker

Richard and I are both sick. Of course we are. It's our respite weekend, when we finally get great big chunks of time together. I am on antibiotics for a sinus infection gone feral, and Richard has a good old-fashioned headcold. At least the kidlets won't have to suffer through the weekend with both of us so low-energy and growly. Grr.

On a positive note, I have been reflecting on what an amazing life we've created together. I try to never lose sight of what really matters; friends, family, our connection to God, and loving what is, instead of yearning for what isn't. We have a home we absolutely adore, in a town we love, and are foster parents to two incredible kids. We learn more about love every day. I asked Richard last night if somebody had told him he'd be in this place five years ago, what would he have said? He chuckled and said he would have told them they were smoking something.

What a life.

Two little girls are VERY curious about posting.

The girls are home today because it's a snow day and the day care is closed, which means I'm home with them too. We are having lots of fun with the dollhouse and they're doing plays for me. They wanted to see how my blog works, so we're posting this little message about our day.

New Haven Fleece

Nope, not dead yet. A bit bedraggled and most of my mind is now kept artificially alive in BerrEgads (all my computers have always been named [something] Egads since I was 18 - don't ask), but definitely not dead. I sent off an article I wrote that now holds the title of First Article Ever Submitted By Me. I submitted it to Fostering Families Today on 1/17. I still haven't heard back but that's ok. The hard part is over.

So I'm working on a sweater for one of the kidlets. It's called a New Haven Fleece. Since I seem to be reduced to blogging only at work, the crappy photo is from BerrEgads. That's what you get when you're reliant on flourescent lighting. I'm working on one of the sleeves right now.

It's pink and purple, in case you can't tell. Most people with eyes can't. It's a pretty bad picture.

The kidlets are settling in and keeping us on our toes. Most of our friends and family figure us for dead by this point since we've lost all contact with people outside of daycare and school. Rest assured we will re-enter the land of the living soon. We have a respite scheduled this weekend and the hubby and I get two whole days to ourselves. The mind reels. I hope to pop out of the vacuum we've created and perhaps enjoy a dinner that does not include anybody sneezing directly into my ear or worrying about the repercussions of two children gone wild on a wicked sugar buzz from dessert. Wish us luck.

I am GEEKING out. Ask me about my new Crackberry.

Ohhh yeah. Bloggin' from my Blackberry. Slow but oh so geeklicious. Feel the geek. BE the geek.

YAY!

The girls are coming for a respite overnight this Saturday, and then will move in next Saturday. We are so excited! I am taking Monday off to go over paperwork with the department and to schedule daycare, buses, school, appointments, etc. I will have a phone glued to my head the better part of the day, and zip around town in the Vibe for the rest of it.

Tonight is my monthly Stitch 'n Bitch with the ladies. We skipped December so I'm really looking forward to it. I am working on two fluffy novelty yarn scarves for the girls, one purple and one pink. After 1.5 hours the purple one is a few minutes away from being done, and I'll get the pink one finished tonight at the SnB, I'm sure. I wanted to get feather boas or maribu boas, but they are expensive! I ended up just getting some fun fuzzy novelty yarn for $4 and I can just make both "boas", and in the colors I like.

Well, off to SnB!

Happy New Year!

The not-yet-felted giant slippers I gave to my family-in-law members felted up beautifully, according to their happy new owners. I was worried; I hadn't done a trial run with a pair due to quite painful time restrictions, so that was good news.

Richard and I are very excited about our foster girls moving in by the end of January. Child A is 6 and Child B is 5. They will probably be a longer term placement, meaning possibly 6-12+ months. They will be staying in what used to be the guest bedroom, which was wall-to-wall wolves. Pictures, figurines, books, and even a carved eggshell wolf lived in there.

The wolves have been evicted and the cappuccino-colored walls have been repainted a cheerful, creamy orange. Green and pink flowers are stamped along the top in a whimsical border, with some tumbling down the walls. A beautiful new oak bunk bed has replaced the queen bed and sports cheerful pink comforters and big fluffy pillows in stripey pillowcases. My old hope chest has been filled with toys, and a Ryan's Room Dollhouse sits in the corner. Richard and I made a 4' x 4' black chalkboard and now it's hanging on the wall with colored and white chalks lined up in the routered tray. "Welcome [Child A] & [Child B]!" and flowers (Richard made those - how cute is that?) will greet our two little guests.

Waiting, waiting....