Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Criminal Behavior.

I am a criminal.  I wasn't caught, but I did the crime.  I calmly and guiltlessly went through the Self-Checkout and stole these two chocolate bars tonight:
Inadvertant shoplifting.  Have you ever done it?  Did you fess up, even if you'd made it all the way to your car?  This wasn't wrong change from the cashier, that I could correct with a question (which I do on an alarmingly regular basis - how much wrong change do I pay for in mark-up on goods??)  I didn't realize I'd shoplifted these until I got out to my car with the cart, popped my trunk, moved a bag, and the chocolate bar fell down from in front of my purse to the bottom of the cart.

When I realized what I'd done, emotions flickered through me like northern lights:  guilt, fear, elation, fear, smugness, guilt, and then finally, victory.  I'm not sure why that last one was in there but I noted it because it was so .... American.  To feel victorious about something we absolutely did NOT intend to do, but turned out well.  Like a slop shot in pool, or hitting all the green lights on a street without having to slow down.

So I guess if the Grafton Five-0 want to arrest me, they have reasonable suspicion.  But according to Wikipedia, they do not have probable cause, and I guarantee the evidence of my crime will be long gone.

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